Sleep Deprivation is a Legitimate Form of Torture
How'd you sleep last night?
Once I became a parent I never understood answering that question with "like a baby" as if it meant you had the best night of sleep of your life. Newborns wake up about every two hours which basically means parents aren't getting very much sleep at all! Once baby turns four months and you are no longer in the "fourth trimester," you may start sleeping longer. At this point, five consecutive hours is considered "sleeping through the night" for your baby. Five hours! I don't know about you, but I'm a ten hours of sleep a night kind of gal. As a first time parent I was chronically exhausted. I had periods of recovery and in general I walked around in a zombie like haze of sleeplessness. That's when I realized that sleep deprivation is a legitimate form of torture. Seriously, think about that people. So how do we free ourselves?
Education! Educating yourself on newborn sleep, toddler sleep, how children sleep, how grown ups sleep, all of it is the key to freedom. We begin to feel like things make sense when we understand them better. When we understand, our stress and anxiety reduces and we are able to learn.
Start with learning that newborns have six different states of consciousness. The states are broken down into three categories. Category one is the sleep category. There's quiet sleep and active sleep within this category. Category two is the awake category. There's quiet alert, active alert, and crying in the awake category. Category three is a transition state. This category includes drowsiness. Understanding and learning the cues associated with these categories helps parents learn how better to soothe their baby and meet their needs.
Let's start with the cues for quiet sleep. In quiet sleep, your baby will have a relaxed face and their eyelids will be closed and still. Their breathing will be very regular with an occasional deep sigh. In this state your baby is fully at rest. This phase tends to last between 30-45 minutes.
The active sleep phase also lasts between 30-45 minutes. In active sleep, your baby's eyelids will usually be closed and will flutter occasionally. You may also noticed baby's eyes moving under their eyelids. The body will move occasionally and the breathe will be less regular and faster than when in quiet sleep. In active sleep, your baby may even move from one place in their crib (or sleep surface of choice) to another. When your baby wakes up, they are usually waking up from active sleep.
Now that baby is awake, let's learn about the quiet alert state. In this state, baby will be an active observer of their environment. They will be engaged in what would like focused attention in an adult. They are ready to learn and play in the quiet alert state. This state lasts for about 30-45 minutes.
From quiet alert baby moves into the active alert state. In the active alert state baby will start to make more movement and sounds. Baby's attention is easily distracted. Baby will start to get hungry and maybe even fussy. This active alert state lasts about 30-45 minutes.
The key here is to catch baby before they move into the crying state. If parents are able to read cues and meet baby's needs before the crying state, everyone's level of stress is more manageable. Once baby is crying, they must be soothed before their needs can be met and this pattern leads to frustration for baby and for the parent.
The transition state of drowsiness usually appears before falling asleep and upon waking up. Stretching and yawning are classic drowsiness cues. Using these cues to help guide your next steps in caring for baby can often help bypass the crying state. A win win for everyone.
Now that you understand a newborn's states of consciousness better you can assess external factors that effect sleep like environment. Super dark, almost cave like environments help baby sleep better. White nose machines often help too. People underestimate how loud it is for baby in utero. Baby is used to constant sound input (internal from within the birthing person's body and external from environment) and darkness. These are comfortable and familiar states for baby.
Other things to consider are hunger and a dry diaper. Imagine trying to sleep if you were hungry or if you had to pee! It's not easy. Imagine trying to fall asleep when there's a party going on. It's not easy.
There are so many ways we can help free ourselves from sleep deprivation. Sometimes we need some outside help. A sleep consultant like Ali Lazar can be just the thing parents need to make it over the hump. We, as humans, are not meant to be doing the parenting thing alone. Nor are we, as humans, meant to be living alone, separate from all sources of wisdom from generations that came before us. The concept of "it takes a village" is true today. It just looks very different than what it used to look like. What I like about Ali is that she completely honors your family and it's needs in her approach. She is a modern day elder, if you will, on sleep. Take advantage of her knowledge BEFORE you feel like you are being tortured.
If you are more interested in exploring safe bed sharing as a way to get more sleep, I highly recommend familiarizing yourself with Dr. James McKenna.
The La Leche League also created guidelines of the safe sleep seven. Most of the points are the same as Dr. McKenna. These criteria are critical to practice if you are interested in bed sharing.
If you happen to have stumbled across this post and don't have children and do have trouble sleeping or have older children and you still have trouble sleeping then check out Nurse Susan Marks. Her extensive knowledge of CBD and the human endocannabinoid system are astonishing.
Free yourself from sleeplessness people. You don't deserve to be tortured!
Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Until next time.
With warmth, love, and kindness,
Raquel